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Monday, August 31
Make this the Best Move please.


That's me and the boyfriend. Today. As in, now.

My heart is screaming; (totally unrelated to the boyfriend & I)
"My mind is blank as for now.
I hope that I've made the right choice.
The wise choice.
And this is the BEST move.
I couldn't make up my mind.
I have been confused for the past few days.
Things are gonna be different. A huge different.
It ain't easy making up my mind.
It's been almost 3 long years here.
And it's gonna end soon. say in less than a month from now.
Sometimes I wonder, I wanna leave, I so wanna to,
but at the same time, I wanna stay.
I truly appreciate U for wanting me to stay. I really do.
I truly appreciate the time you've spent talking to me for hours.
I will never forget that Friday, this morning, the expressions,
and everything else.
Anyways, everything has been said and done.
Just one thing I'm hoping for.
I hate regrets. So, Please, don't show up after I'd step outta here."

It wasn't easy. It wasn't easy at all.

my butterfly feeling flutters 3:52:00 PM




Wednesday, August 26
I hope my boyfriend is like this contestant.

I'm watching The Moment of Truth on channel 5 now and i'm tearing. The Moment of Truth is part game show, part True Confessions. It's riveting to watch as contestants answer very personal questions about themselves, obviously embarrassed or uncomfortable, and yet continue to push themselves to answer more to win a bigger purse. Contestants will win money by answering increasingly personal questions while being hooked up to a polygraph machine. If the polygraph registers an answer as "false," the contestant is finished and walks away with nothing.

So as for tonight's show, I'm touched by a couple of questions that was asked to the middle-aged guy.

One of which where the host was asking the man who was married to his wife for 30 years,

"Would you cheat on your wife if there isn't any way that she will find out?"

He shut his puffy eyes and paused before revealing his answer, which is a "No."

And that No is a truthful No! How sincere he is!

He then tells the host and the audiences that he was ever away from home for a number of years for work purposes, and he could have chose to 'play around' every weekend, BUT HE NEVER DID.

I dunno why, but it made me think of my boyfriend.

I hope YOU, my boyfriend, will be and will always be forever faithful, be it wherever you are.

my butterfly feeling flutters 11:58:00 PM




Tuesday, August 25
Awesomeness.

My weekend was an awesome one! totally awesome.

I want to shout out loud that I have a new black and shiny toy. After much consideration and also confusion, I settled down for N97 instead of the iphone 3Gs. Apparently Singtel was saying that the shipment will arrive in a month or two and that there hasn't been any confirmation on the exact date. I was thinking to buy it from handphone retailers for an export set but after weighing the pros and cons, since I've ever used iphone before. I'm sure it's gonna be more or less the same. So being the very impatient me, I simply can't bear to wait and settled down for N97, which is, by the way, the latest of the latest from Nokia. And i really wanted a very good hp and I heard good reviews about it. and true enough! The hinge is slick and yet rock solid, the display is crisp and bright, the camera is well protected. The 32GB integrated memory is awesome and with a 16GB card there is plenty of room to have fun with it. Plus I love touch screen phone and I'm pretty sure it's a good buy.


Here is the most important part, I have made a promise to myself that I will be using this hp for the longest time ever.
Thank you mummy! I love you!

Btw, my dad got the same hp as me. He chose the white and mine is black. and we exchange our stylus, so it pretty cool. So my black N97 with the white stylus and his white N97 with a black stylus.

I will not lose it, sell it or whatever! I'm so well known for not appreciating handphones. I even left my then brand new N76 in train while I was giggling away without realising that my hp was not in my pocket. And that was a present for my 21st bday from my then boyfriend. I still remembered vividly how I cried out loud in despair at the train station. I felt like a lifeless doll. my one and only video of my 21st bday which was recorded with that hp was gone forever. The best was when I sold my iphone to a friend who was at that point of time, was so desperate to get it for his mistress. Btw, that iphone was from my boyfriend. I shouldn't have sold it. He begged me! How could i not? Haiyaaah!

Just look at how happy I was when i got that iphone!

my dream phone then...
~17 April 2008~



When I got that N76 for my 21st ~ (lost it in the train!!!)

my dream phone then...
~31 July 2007~




Not to mention my other hp sad stories, kena robbed lah, lost em' while shopping lah and many suay stories of its kind. So, this time round, I will sew my current squeeze to my hand. I’m left to think, which hand will be the lucky one? Hahahahahahaha.

Enough of that hp stories, and so I shopped for a couple of dresses, and finally trimmed my so disobedient, unmanageable, uncontrollable, unruly hair!

And, I've collected these very pretty pairs which i've ordered online. They are so pretty like me! It means I looked like a shoe? No, that sound so wrong. Okay, they are just so pretty! But poor Lis that her pair aren't the right one. imagine this; both shoes are for the left feet? Totally wrong! the seller must have had a whole lot of orders for that to happen. Anyway, I bet you are loving or even sleeping with that black camel cage with the right one cos I'm sure the exchange has been done:)


Mine. The grey studded heels.


Lis's. The Black Camel Cage.

Mine. The Brown Camel Cage.

Alright, I had one of the most coolest and happiest weekend ever! It was just so exhilarating!

Buttttt, today wasn't really a good day at work. with the work that is piling up and .......................
I guess I shall say no more. I felt like running away. far faraway.

I went to River Island during lunch and wanted to get a pair of denim pants but i was spoilt for choice and i couldn't decide! I guess, i'll get it over the weekend then. another weekend of awesomeness is coming and I'm sure soooo excited for this saturday. Outdoor photoshoot.

Now, I'm dead beat. I'm back from the bazaar at Geylang like for the 3rd time in a row of 3 days. And my feet hurts like hell cos i was wearing the camel cage with the heels of 3 inch. I will never ever wear that again to Geylang bazaar ever. Mum bought me a very pretty blue baju for raya. Nice!

Boyfriend, U're gonna be back in less than a month now.

Well, he won't be online till next Monday cos he'll be at the mountain for lessons on diving at the lake...

hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.

Before he left earlier, while he's packing...




I'll pray for your safety okay sayang.
Good night, or rather good morning.

my butterfly feeling flutters 2:23:00 AM




Wednesday, August 19
101157424301 on my mind.

Head throbbing since hours ago. Work has been barmy mad and totally exasperating and the stuffs that needs to be done all came at one fell swoop and it sucks big time.

On a lighter note, I am all keyed up for the arrival of not one but two very beautiful pair of shoes that I bought online. It’s so pretty and I simply can’t wait to fit into em.

I am hoping to hear some good news soon but at the same time I can’t be too expectant, can i?

On another note on my love life that is very much tangled up which I would have thought that it ain’t knotty no more. In spite of everything, the past is back again.

Apparently, we are just friends. But it seems more than that to you. It hurts me so much to think that after what that has been said and done, you are still there. And you never fail to believe that we are no longer together.

I am so clueless.

I’m mentally drained.

my butterfly feeling flutters 5:15:00 PM




Wednesday, August 12
Random.

I had a damn shiok extra long leave. Firstly, i was on leave on the 6th and 7th (Thurs and Fri) plus weekend and PH on the 10th (Mon) plus I had 2 days MCs on 11th and 12th (Tues and Wed). Now, that makes a total count of 7 days of enjoying life without waking up in the morning(s) and rushing off to work in a mad daze and get frustrated with the inconsiderate kiasu people on board regardless of pregnant women, elderly, little kids, everyone that chiong in when the doors open, so as to achieve seats, sleep, rest and also squeeze in the slow moving train that lasted an hour for me to reach the office. Wait, before that, i have to wait impatiently for the very ancient-existing lift that makes my blood boil and my palms sweat and walked at a brisk pace, 145234524 times faster than my usual. and yeah so I skipped all that frustrations for 7 days!


But at the back of my mind, I can't help myself from worrying about the work that is piling up on my desk, the files that needs to be closed, to check on all the transactions on ALL files as the auditor will be coming on the 18th, which is just effing next TUESDAY! Oh gosh! I'm freaking out! So dear files, i'll be seeing you tomorrow and i hope you'll be nice.
Btw, the nasty fall on saturday left hideous scars on both my knees. Please heal fast. And my tummy, stop aching please.

Anyways, mum's bday on the 6th was the reason why i was on leave and it was celebrated with extra love. Extra love cos i handmade a bouquet of roses for her! I love you mama a.k.a bestfriend/sister/counsellor.

The boyfriend has gone missing again. The last we webcam(ed) was on Saturday, Aug 8th and that was it. We had a private websession. and it was crraazey. I hope to see the boyfriend soon. very soon please.

On a lighter note, i am xxxxccciiiittteeeddd to carry around a new handbag that I've got on Monday. Although that's not the exact handbag that i fancy, but I kinda like it. Thank YOU very very much.

Whatelse is on my mind? hmm... flea market. I am thinking to do a flea that is coming up on Aug 29th but I'm not sure of the crowd cos i think the place is quite secluded and there'll be no tables or chairs provided. Just the space for 47 bucks? not worth, not worth. so not worth! btw, i went to flea-tique at SAM on sunday and i can't help myself from buying few tops and a skirt. I need to do a flea soon. but I guess I'm gonna wait for a flea sometime after the fasting month and when the boyfriend is back! Fasting month is just a week away, next will be hari raya! and next, boyfriend will be back!

me and my never ending 'boyfriend will be back.' *sigh*
I am just missing him terribly. I dunno if i can tolerate this anymore.
Somehow it feels like a torture.
The waiting has transformed as an act of inflicting excruciating pain deep inside my tiny heart.

Omg, the emo side of me has come forth! i shall stand strong to survive this love with my love.

my butterfly feeling flutters 12:17:00 AM




Saturday, August 8
Where is my boyfriend?

This morning, i fell down at the carpark and bruised both my knees and tore my brand new leggings that i bought 2 days ago. And I cried like a baby. Big baby. Cos it hurt like HELL!

Apart from that, I'm going nuts thinking where is my boyfriend? He hasn't been online since Wednesday, Aug 5th.
Where are you?

I called Tamar Cove this morning and to great disheartenment, the operator was unable to get him on the phone. And i left a msg but there wasn't any news since the last 4 hours.

HEY! guess what? he's ONLINE NOW!!

my butterfly feeling flutters 5:32:00 PM




Tuesday, August 4

I'm back from an awesome reunion dinner cum birthday treat from Karnan the big bear. It was a pleasurable time spent with this bunch of crazy people! :)
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And here i am, after a couple of days of not having the time to blog. Here's my entry for what has happened during the last few days. My 23rd was celebrated with much much love and full of love and full of surprises and it was way beyond awesome! It all started with a bouquet of lilies and purple roses, a box of merci chocolates and a cute big bear from my darling boyfriend, far abroad in Australia. It was a sweet gesture honey. and after which i had another surprise, his bestfriend delivered a card and a Roxy purse to my office! Apparently, the boyfriend sent that package to his bestfriend and requested that the gift be delivered to me personally and that the flowers, chocs and bear were supposed to be delivered all at the one time but the delivery man came much earlier. But that doesnt matter, what matters, i've got them all before my bday and it was a pleasant surprise indeed. Thanks love.

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And thanks to colleagues for the birthday cake! after i looked much disoriented, I left office after cutting the cake and rushed down to Central, Manhattan Fish Market like a mad woman with loads of stuff in hand to meet the bestfriend. We had an enjoyable dinner with me chatting away like there's no tomorrow. It seems that there's way too many stuff to share! And this darling bought me a charm bracelet from GUESS, which is oh so damn pretty! and it's SO ME please! I love it! and a frame with my name customised:) Oh! and I got this darling of mine, a miniature perfume from Elizabeth Arden with a very pretty flower box! I think she loves that too!

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So at midnight sharp ~ 31 July 2009, my boyfriend called to wished me! oh God, just how much i miss him! a few minutes later, my dad called and sung me a bday song that lasted almost 2 minutes at least. Somehow it's damn funny.


The next morning, on the bday day itself, I was woken up with a surprise call. Well, somethings are better left unsaid. Whatever it was, i had a blast. It was way beyond what i expected. It was way too much of what i had expected. It was truly a nice gesture.
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The night followed with a dinner with my dearest family. We had seafood galore! I totally threw the idea of dieting and whack-ed like nobody's business! My cam's battery went flat after i snapped these few pics!
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Over the weekend, I attended wedding(s) lunch and dinner. Shopping for the tuna can(s) food. And meeting up with his bestfriend, to pass the stuff that the boyfriend had requested for. But to great dismay, I got a phonecall from the bestfriend that Australia are not able to accept any sort of FOOD to be delivered over. Like wtf please. So, it seems that the boyfriend got to wait for a month, 2 weeks and 5 days.


This woman really smiled alot and had a blasting 23rd, even though she feels so OLD!
Omg, i really do feel OLD.
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and so, my 23rd ended with much much love! but just one thing or many things,
IF only, my dearest boyfriend wasn't away.
IF only, my boyfriend would kiss me 23 times at midnight just like when he does when i was 22 last year.
Oh.. That 22 kisses....
I miss YOU!

my butterfly feeling flutters 1:05:00 AM




<
The Glamdoll

.unique..undecisive..unprecdictable. makes who I am.

Darlinks


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